I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
