Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Randomize
