yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
