I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
