honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Randomize