This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
