Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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