I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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