omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Randomize
