Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
