life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
