I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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