when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
