put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Randomize
