Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Randomize
