i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Randomize
