Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Randomize