Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
