I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
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