2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
