just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Randomize
