i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
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