Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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