I'm drive I can fine osifer
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
