How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
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