no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
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