I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
