so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
