She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
This can only be settled by a dance off.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
