theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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