The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
