last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
