Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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