you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize
