Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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