The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize