Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
