I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
