ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
