I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
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