i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
