I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
