I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize
