Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Randomize
