We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Randomize