I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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