I want you more than these girls want KFC
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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