Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Randomize
