There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
