she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I can't put those talents on a resume
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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