I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
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