my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
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