the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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