He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
