I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
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