Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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