just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Why are your pants in the freezer?
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
