belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
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