my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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