There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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