How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Randomize
