You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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