What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
