Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Randomize
