I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
