i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
