If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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