I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
