There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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