I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize