Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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