Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
My pussy is not your playground.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
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