I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Randomize
